why do I even try?

Sometimes I feel like what I'm doing is getting me nowhere. I know what the problem is though, but I just don't want to face the facts. I think I'm only trying this hard to impress and seem desirable. I need to stop wanting to do for others. I want to do for God and then maybe others. I think I really need to focus on God's wants and needs and then my own and then eventually others. I really feel connected to God and I understand the message He is trying to convey to me but the reality of the situation is just something I don't want to grasp. I always ask myself ...what's so wrong with me? Am I a horrible person? Am I not nice enough? Pretty enough? Generous enough? Smart enough? Sometimes I feel like I'm going down a one way street that leads to a dead end. It's really hard relating to people about everything. I am trying so hard to make more friends via Facebook to share experiences and thoughts. People that can truly understand what I'm talking about and relate to it. It's really hard when I just want to be happy again. I had EVERYTHING that anyone could ever ask for & now that the one huge chunk of my puzzle has now been lost, I'm trying to find a piece that fits just as well but I need to realize that the puzzle doesn't even matter anymore right now. I need to stop being so selfish and wondering about myself. I'm trying to set the puzzle aside. Maybe I should just throw it away and start a new one. I need to stop putting my wants and needs FIRST. I'm so sick of playing the 'what if' game :-/ ugh I'm just soooo frustrated. I don't understand how someone can be EVERYTHING to you and then a day later, they don't want to be ANYTHING to you. Why?! and why does it have to happen to me? and why is it so easy for them? What horrible thing have I done to deserve this?! Sometimes, I just want to go home. I hate where I am right now. I hate being so far away from the people who comfort me. I'm trying soooo hard to focus on God but sometimes, I don't think it's enough. I try to fill my emptiness with Him and most of the time, it works but lately I don't know what has happened. I do know however, I DO NOT want to slip back into my old self and the norms of society these days. I know I am better than that. I know I have a purpose. I know I love God. I just wish I knew where I was going to be a few years from now. I feel like I'm getting older and accomplishing nothing in life. I know I have to take it day by day and be patient. I know God has a plan for me and my happiness is in His hands. I gave Him my heart, and I know it's safe. I know that but sometimes I still just don't feel strong enough to do this on my own but I also know that He is there. I know he loves me back no matter how I treat Him and if I ignore him and I know He deserves the same respect and unconditional love back. It's just so hard and sometimes I just wonder ...why do I even try?